On Being Honest

I've been thinking a lot about honesty lately. I do not consider myself to be a REALLY honest person. I wouldn't say I'm a Big Fat Liar either. I think I just keep quiet or don't tell the full truth or skirt around issues...all of which can be dishonest.

Obviously I don't need to say every thought that pops in my head, because sometimes I'm being respectful or loving by keeping quiet. However, I know my heart and I know that I often keep quiet because I want the other person to believe I agree with them.

I think one of the main reasons I (and many females) aren't honest is because we're afraid if we're honest, then we'll be vulnerable and maybe even judged. I really do value other people's honesty, even if they disagree with me, so I wonder why I assume other people will hate me for being honest if I disagree with them. That's a pretty messed up view of the world, right?

I vow to begin appreciating other people's honesty more in the future. I would hate to think other people felt they couldn't be honest with me because of how I might react. Truth: I sometimes have a short fuse and do get upset when other people don't see things the same way I do. "Quick to listen, Mandy. Slow to become angry."

So it's time to fess up to some dishonesty in my life. It's a start. One step at a time. Confession is good for the soul...or so I hear. I don't do it a lot.

When my boss told me she could tell I'd been losing weight and working out, I didn't tell her I haven't worked out in well over 2 months. I didn't tell her I've been eating more junk food than ever. I didn't tell her it was just the dark wash jeans (this was on a Casual Friday) that were sucking me in and making it hard for me to breathe. I thanked her and acted honored that someone would *finally* notice all my hard work.

My co-worker asked me when my wedding date was and as I told her, a customer overheard the conversation. She asked where we were getting married and when I responded, "New Mexico", she said, "Oh I'd love for my daughter to do a destination wedding in Mexico. Though I do hear it's a bit dangerous these days. You be careful." I just said nodded and smiled. I walked away without correcting her because I didn't want to get into explaining it was in NEW Mexico and yes, I know that's very far from here and seems random, but that is where I was raised, etc. Believe me, I have had that conversation A LOT and I just didn't have the energy for it.

Kory asked me if I had ever been to a certain type of event before. I told him I had. He asked when and as I started to explain, I quickly realized I had never been to one, only heard of it. Instead of saying that to him, I tried to make up this story about one time when I was younger and we went to this event and it turned out to be almost just like what he asked me about...and like 4 minutes into the story, he said, "So you've never been. Right?" I couldn't just admit that I was wrong, I tried to cover up for it and even started making up a story to do so. Why? I have no need to impress Kory. He wasn't going to look down on me for never attending said event. It was just silly.

So, there you have it. I can't explain exactly why I acted that way in those situations, but for the most part, it's because I've got in the habit of not being fully honest. I think laziness and the need to impress are part of it, but it's also just a habit. So I'll begin today working hard to be more honest with other people. I just hope no one asks if I like what they're wearing today because I've been known to flat out lie about that :)