Late Night Thoughts

I am laying here on the couch (bed is covered in clean clothes and I am too lazy to put them all away) and I have a thousand thoughts running through my head so I will attempt to type them out here and then hopefully I can get to sleep.

My coworker won't stop talking about her son's wedding and she told me last week it is a potluck. I am trying not to judge but that just screams tacky!

I really really want a more flexible work schedule. I love my job but I HATE the 8-5, no exceptions. I am not made to live my life in an office.

After a year living in Oregon, I feel strangely put of place. I don't feel like this is home, per se, but it is certainly very familiar. I love it here but I just have this strange feeling that I will never truly belong here. That sounds negative and I don't mean for it to...I just think I will always look at this Pacific NW culture from the outside and compare it to NM/TX. I guess I can't expect to feel the same about a place I lived for one year vs. 23 years somewhere else.

Nobody told me how hard it is to make friends as an adult. Most of my college friends are discovering the same thing I am and I think it took most of us by surprise. I just never really thought about it in college and now I see that I may never have friendships that close again. It kind of makes me sad, but it also makes me really appreciate those friendships and makes me want to keep in touch even more.

For the first time in a very long time, I can look back at the past year and say that not much has changed. I have the same job, live in the same apartment, drive the same car, am in the same relationship, etc. I guess this is called settling down and being stable?

Sometimes I feel like my friends who are married and having babies are speeding ahead in life without me. It is like I am left behind as a college student still dating and they are full blown adults and I can never catch up now. I guess one of the true tests of friendship is whether you can remain friends even when you are thousands of miles apart and are in very different life situations and all you have in common is love.

I really miss TX/NM people tonight. Typically I try not to write this stuff down for everyone to see because I want to be a positive and optimistic person. However, I think it is more important to be real and for me to be able to share what is on my heart--good or bad. Lonely is a feeling I never really experienced until after college graduation. It has been hard for me to learn that missing someone or longing to be somewhere else doesn't mean you can't enjoy where you are right now. I love my life here and absolutely feel that I am right where God wants me. There is no better place to be than in the center of His will!