Marriage

Obviously I've been thinking about marriage a LOT these days. However, I keep coming back to one frustration with marriage and that is...married couples. Married couples who complain about marriage or joke about the ball and chain or just flat out give the world a negative view on marriage.

For every person who congratulates me and is genuinely excited for me, there is another person who has told me they're sorry or asked if I really want to go through with this or told Kory he's throwing his life away...with me standing right beside him. I get that people are usually joking. The thing is, it's not very funny.

I suppose you never really understand the gravity of a lifetime commitment until you're faced with making that decision. It's big. Like bigger than I ever realized. This is serious business folks. Yes, marriage should be fun and isn't a bore, but when I hear the way married people are talking about marriage, it's no wonder young adults and teens would rather just move in together or avoid marriage at all costs.

Pretty much every comedian talks trash about their marriage. They demean their spouse and make fun of them, while everyone else dies laughing at their expense. This is not just non-Christians we're talking about here. Older married Christian men have warned Kory that he better enjoy this time in his life because he's about to become a modern-day slave to my honey-do list. Is that what we're signing up for?

Now, we have also received many positive comments about marriage and have seen some great couples who still delight in each other. However, I can say that most of those comments come from our friends who have all been married 5 years or less. It would be easy to say, Well of course they're happy, they're still in the honeymoon stage, blah blah blah. I prefer to believe it's because we have a new generation standing up to say my marriage isn't just going to be ok. It's going to be awesome because we're going to work on it and never let it get to a point where we're just married because we're Christians and Christians don't divorce.

Kory and I have set a couple standards for our relationship that we hope will help us and others around us in improving our view of marriage. Number 1, we both committed to always speak positively about marriage. That doesn't mean we won't be realistic and honest that it is hard work and it involves struggles, but we vow to show others that deep commitment brings freedom and love, not burden and obligations. Number 2, we have made a decision that we won't use the D-word in our home. No, not that D-word. We won't say the word "Divorce". I don't just mean we won't ever threaten to divorce each other, but that we won't ever say the word in any context. It's a personal choice that we've made and it's only that. It doesn't mean we think other people shouldn't say it, but we believe for us, it is a topic that is not EVER an option and we don't want to even discuss it in our home. We have noticed that it often becomes commonplace and casual to talk about that subject and we don't want any part of that destruction in our family. I know it might seem extreme to some of you, but we think this is something we are willing to go to extreme lengths to honor and protect our marriage.

I can't end this post without thanking Trey Morgan for his positive example and encouraging words about marriage. I am very grateful for the many ways he promotes healthy marriages and for his example in publicly praising his wife. You don't even have to meet the man for him to be a blessing in your life. Thanks Trey!

Shower Weekend Day 4

Monday I traveled for 16.5 hours and slept for almost all of it! I thought I was finally starting to feel better and was over my sickness. Wrong! My flu turned into a wicked cold which hung around for almost another week! Not cool.

The shower weekend was so fun though and I am so grateful for all the work we got done, memories that were made, and gifts that were given. Speaking of gifts, hauling them 2,000 miles across the country was kind of a chore. Imagine that!

Luckily, my mom and 2nd mom, Diana, spent 3 hours packing our gifts and fitting them into 2 huge suitcases. I brought 100 lbs worth of gifts back and only two were broken. I was quite happy with that! There were only a couple things we wanted to bring back and were unable to, so those will probably be shipped to us.

The cats were in heaven when I got home and unpacked gifts, bubble wrap and tissue paper!

Typing that leads me to think about wedding gifts, which will also have to be shipped to us. Logistically, planning this wedding can sometimes seem like a headache. When the bride and groom are not anywhere near the wedding site or wedding party, it can make things very difficult. I am quite proud to say I don't feel stressed at all these days, even though we've got less than two months to go. There have probably been 2 or 3 days where I had minor freak-outs, but overall, I have just had a lot of fun planning this wedding!

We had our Oregon church shower this Sunday, and it was an afternoon tea at the preacher's wife's tea shop/restaurant, so it was awesome! We'll get our engagement pictures taken in Portland this weekend, so the fun just keeps coming. After that, we need to take a trip to Medford so I can get one of the little diamonds in my ring replaced.

We're also in the process of getting Kory moved out of his apt and into mine, which has to be complete when we leave for the wedding. Otherwise, we'd have to pay another month's rent for his apartment. It will be really nice to come home to a clean, moved-in apartment though and be "settled".

Shower Weekend Day 3

Sunday I was feeling slightly better than the night before...it's amazing what Nyquil and a good night's sleep will do for you! We went to church that morning and then all at lunch at the World Famous La Fonda afterwards.

We went to my parents house for a little bit between lunch and the next shower so we could sort gifts from the night before. We were able to decide which items needed to be returned because they couldn't fit in my suitcase or were too heavy.

Next we headed to my shower from people at my parent's church. Once again, I got a LOT of cool things! However, I spent most of the shower wondering how in the world I would get all of those things back to Oregon, especially the large gifts like a lamp!

The rest of the day was kind of a long blur for me, so I'll skip the details. I did my wedding dress fitting, went to church, ate dinner and watched/tried to help pack my gifts to come back to Oregon. I was feeling really rotten and had a high fever during all of this, so I don't remember a lot of it.

The only thing I planned to do that weekend and didn't get done was a hair trial, but I felt so sick Sunday night I knew I just needed to get in bed. My hair stylist here in Oregon actually did a hair trial for me last week and I watched carefully and took pictures, so I am sure we can recreate it come wedding time.

Shower Weekend Day 2

Saturday was our work day as we spent most of the day working on wedding projects and crafts. When I say "we" worked, I mean my mom and bridesmaids worked while I talked to them, played with Beckham and avoided work in general.

All of the bridesmaids but Julie (who had a baby 1.5 weeks before) got fitted for their b-maid dresses and they looked great! The lady who made them is incredible. We sent her a picture we printed off from David's Bridal's website and she made dresses that are exact replicas...without a pattern...and for 60% less! She's amazing! We'll get Julie fitted a little closer to time for the wedding, but since this lady made 4 dresses in a week, we're not worried at all.

Speaking of Julie and her baby, Grayden, I got to see both of them on Saturday! It was SO wonderful to meet the little guy and get to hold him. I do mean LITTLE...he was only 6 lbs and was precious!

Especially after holding Beckham earlier that day (17 lbs!), Grayden felt light as a feather! I loved getting to see Julie and her brand new baby, brand new house and brand new car. Lots of excitement! What really took me by surprise was the fact that as I went to hug her goodbye, I lost it. I started crying and couldn't get it together.

It just hit me all of a sudden that I live so far away and I won't get to see her baby grow up and just felt sad to be across the country from her! This emotion continued to sneak up on me all night...including during my recipe shower that night. I was also very tired and getting sick by this point, so I think I was just completely wiped out.

My throat was KILLING me during that recipe shower and I knew I was getting the flu. Ugh! Really?? The timing was terrible...but I pressed on! The cool thing about the recipe shower is that people give you a recipe, an ingredient for that recipe, a kitchen utensil and a piece of advice for marriage and for cooking. Unfortunately, you're supposed to read the name of the recipe and the two pieces of advice out loud to everyone at the shower.

It hurt bad enough for me to just talk, but everyone was talking so loudly I was having to shout and my throat hurt so bad I wanted to die. I have never been in that much pain from my throat, but I put on a fake smile and tried to make the best of it. It really was fun to get all those gifts and see friends and family, but my body aches kicked in about this time and I was so emotional, I knew I needed to get to bed soon.

My wonderful b-maids packed all my gifts for me, thankfully. We left the shower to go clean up the room at church we worked in all day. I also got to open our gift cards from our Amarillo gift card shower that was held a few weeks before. We were INCREDIBLY blessed from that shower and got a ton of gift cards! The best part was that they travel easy and we get to pick what we want: win-win!

This is a good time to mention that we have 5 wedding showers, plus a lingerie shower for me! It's overwhelming how many people are loving on us and giving us awesome gifts. Getting married is SO fun! :)

Shower Weekend Day 1

I was so excited to blog about my shower weekend and post lots of pictures from our fun activities, but I got to NM and found I left my camera memory card in OR. I apparently left my brain right beside that memory card as was evidenced many times throughout the weekend.

So, I will still be posting updates about all the fun we had, and I will borrow pictures from other people who took photos for me all weekend. There was a LOT packed into a few days so I will probably take a few posts to write about it all.

Friday morning started with me waking up at 3:45 a.m. to get to the airport so I should have known my exhaustion was imminent. I got into El Paso about 2:00 p.m. and after a few stops in EP, we made our way to the wedding location so I could get a feel for how things would be set up and really just picture everything better. I am SO happy we did this! I feel great about the wedding site and the flow of the ceremony and reception and everything really!

When we finished up at the wedding location, we headed to Artesia to meet my dad and little brother and one of my bridesmaids, Rachel, for dinner. Sadly, we were running way behind schedule and Beckham (Rachel's baby) was already in bed at that time. I got to run in and look at him in his crib and he looked SO cute all swaddled up and sleeping.

While we were finishing up at dinner, 3 of my bridesmaids arrived in town and we got to meet up with them next. We all went to the wedding closet at my parents church which is pretty incredible! There are tablecloths, candles, flowers, vases, and tons of other stuff that you can use for your wedding, for free! :) It's great! It works on a pay it forward system, so you just donate some of your wedding items after your wedding for future brides to use. Here is a picture inside the closet:

Also, I got to try on my wedding dress, which came in THIS in the mail!!

This is what you get when you order your dress online from China. lol Though we didn't realize it was coming from China when we ordered it...  It looks perfect and just like the super expensive one in the store, though, so I'm happy.

I finally got to bed like 1 a.m. on Friday morning after almost 24 hours awake, but it was so great seeing all my friends and catching up with them, so as always...it was totally worth it!

Submission

As a highly opinionated and fairly independent gal growing up, I was always fiercely opposed to the idea of a wife submitting to her husband. I hated the idea that the man was in charge and the wife, by sheer virtue of being female, was supposed to do exactly as he said.

Obviously, that's not exactly how God designed marriage, but that is how I interpreted it, and if I'm being honest, that is how I saw a lot of Christian marriages being played out. I saw wives who had to ask their husbands permission far more than I liked and I saw husbands who decided just how often the wife was allowed to leave the home.

The other day I was listening to a podcast on marriage and the speaker said something about the man being the head of the household. His take on it was that God doesn't say he "should" be the head of the household, he says he IS. Scientists don't sit around discussing if water SHOULD be wet. It just is and they accept it and make all their other decisions and calculations around that fact.

Next he talked about how God is really the Head of the household (Big H) and that means He's the big man in charge. The man is the head of the household (little H) which means he is just held to a higher responsibility regarding the lives/souls of his wife and kids (eww...responsibility? Who wants that? No thanks! I'll gladly give that to the man!)

My final thought on the matter was actually really sweet. I realized that I don't mind submitting to Kory. I trust him and don't worry that he'll take advantage of my vulnerability or boss me around or make me do things his way in the name the position God has given him. I actually love knowing that I can submit to a man who I love and trust fully and completely. I WANT to serve him and do what's best for him. I know he'll do the same for me and I don't have to worry about my needs being met because we're mutually looking out for and taking care of each other.

Maybe God knew what he was talking about after all? How about that!

Life is not a Fairytale

I had a realization this weekend about the huge gap between the way I picture my future and reality. This is especially true when it comes to weddings. When I pictured my wedding and even my showers, I thought I would be in great shape, my nails would be beautiful, I would be excited and happy and having the time of my life.

In reality, I was exhausted, I haven't worked out in far too long, my nails are a real mess, I spent most of the weekend sick and I was so miserable at times I wanted nothing more than to be in bed cuddled under warm blankets.

However, I had amazing friends and family who helped me pack gift and do wedding projects and loved on me, even though I clearly had plenty of germs to share. No one noticed my personal appearance was not identical to the brides in my bridal magazines. I hated that I felt bad this weekend, but I have been reminded over and over it would be much worse if it happened wedding weekend. (I will be taking lots of vitamins and medicines prior to wedding weekend now...I think little sleep and pure exhaustion equals sickness for me.)

I still had an incredible weekend and really enjoyed the time I got to spend with friends and family and future family! I see now that God was teaching me an important lesson about how we can set ourselves up for disappointment by ridiculously high expectations. I am learning to be content, whatever the situation. A wise friend told me she calls it choosing joy. Right now, I am still feeling sick and am waiting in the Phoenix airport for my delayed flight, but I choose to be grateful I have time to read my book and write some thank you notes and eat lunch without being rushed. I feel happier already!